Monday, February 11, 2008
♥ NEW YEAR, NEW BLOG =]
So, I feel like it's time for me to write in here again because it's gotten to the point where I feel like I have A B S O L O U T E L Y NOONE to talk to. I mean me & naci (my boyfriend) are still together and all that but for some reason like ALL my close friends stopped talking to me. I feel like it's a fuckin conspiracy and they don't even know eachother!! Maybe it's me? I dunno but I do know that when I'm pregnant I get really distant with people for some reason (I have NO idea why maybe because I feel like I have nothing in common with them anymore & they don't want to hang with me cuz I'm FAT lol) yeah it's nice to have my boyfriend here but it's not the same as talking to a FRIEND cuz then I can't talk about Him TO him yanno? lol I'm only half way there and I feel kinda depressed...yeah I know this is probably supposed to be a happy time in my life.....BUT IT'S NOT. I mean me & my boyfriend don't really even "talk talk" like that anymore...I feel like this pregnancy is pushing me away from everyone & it's gettin fuckin ridiculous cuz I know I'm not broken & I know I'm not gonna be prego forever so I'm not really sure why I feel the way I do. The only person I really have to talk to is my mother. Don't get me wrong or anything I love my mommy but there is only so much I can talk to her about before she starts in with her bullshit...(like when I complain about my boyfriend just cuz he doesn't do something she'll be like then why are you guys having a baby...like where the fuck do you get that from because one time I said he didn't clean the bathroom?? lol) but I know she's my mother & she's only trying to look out for my best interest considering with what happened with Carmela's father(deadbeat piece of shit drugdealin ass LIAR!) she just wants everything to work out for me. I think ever since I quit my job in December and school ended & I started having to be at home with Carmela all day it's gotten me all depressed. PLEASE don't take that the wrong way AT ALL because I LOVE MY DAUGHTER with ALL my heart it's just that being pregnant and running around with a 2 year old all day has me WORN the fuck out and then on top of that making sure our house STAYS clean after walking around behind her picking up all day then having dinner on the table when Naci gets home from work is really REALLY stressful. I commend ALL mothers who stay at home FULLTIME cuz GOT damnit it couldn't be me!! I've still got over a month before school starts back again so until then I'm going to be worn out & then on top of THAT our lease ends in April and we have NO idea where the fuck we're moving to...more stress that I'm sure I don't need && on top of that...school ends right on June 5th and my due date is the 23rd so I'm basically pushing it and then what SUCKS even more is that I can't go back to school until September because I will have no one to watch the new baby when Summer classes start because the baby won't be 6 weeks yet & I can't put them in daycare yet. UGH. Ok well I think I'm done ranting for the night but I think I need to make this a regular thing becuase I feel a WHOLE lot better now that I got this all out of me!!
Toodles <3
Toodles <3
Labels: RAMBLiNGS AND WHAT NOT...
♥ And did I tell you that I love you tonight
10:02 PM
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10:02 PM
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